oh, crap
potty negotiation > potty training
I have come to the conclusion that three year old’s live to negotiate. At least, mine seem to. Plus, twins, so it’s all times two.
One could say we put it off as long as we could, but, we finally started potty training the boys a week ago (which meant that the blog post I had planned for last week went completely out the window, thanks to no time/energy/functional brain cells remaining at the end of the day, with how hyper engaged I was with my kids during every waking moment.) The days have been very, very, very long, to say the least.
What’s more, we dove in to this somewhat on a whim, after I’d already decided to do Dry January (another post for another time). Talk about the worst time ever to give up wine. But, I’m no quitter! So, here we are.
I realize now that I completely took for granted what diapers really do: buy you time. And time + peace of mind is a very hard thing to buy.
When your kids are in diapers, you can go places without being held hostage to their vacating their bowels prior to a one hour car ride. You don’t sweat bullets during the 30 minute drive to school, when your child won’t go to the bathroom between waking up and walking out the door. You don’t have to immediately locate every bathroom in the store, the second you set foot in it, “just in case”. You have a comparatively carefree life while in diapers, as opposed to underwear, when your wee ones are still working on their bladder control.
Stuck in traffic? No big deal.
Driving through the middle of nowhere? Don’t sweat it.
They “really have to go!” and there’s a huge line for the restroom? You’re covered!!
I suppose I haven’t seen diapers as a huge hassle or expense, the way some parents do. I will say, though: the amount of water that’s been used between the exponential amount of laundry I have, now, and two overzealous three year old’s who love flushing toilets - regardless if it’s needed or not - will most definitely cause my water bill to eat up any diaper savings, at this point.
And the negotiating!!
“Guys, why don’t we go to the bathroom and try to go potty?”
“No thanks, I fine.”
“…but you haven’t gone in a little while. I’ll bet if we go sit down something will come out, and then you’ll get a cookie!”
(We were not beneath bribery to get this party started)
“I like cookies!”
“Yes, I know. That’s why I want you to try to go. I’ll bet you have to go pee-pee, and then you’ll get a cookie!”
“I can have a cookie??!”
“If you go in the potty, yes! You get a cookie!”
“Ok!!”
Household entourage enters the bathroom, and a nudist colony suddenly unfolds while clothing is discarded, and naked toddlers situate themselves on tiny toilet seats.
“Mommy, you sing me ‘Wheels on the Bus’?”
“Sure! The Wheels on the bus…”
“I all done.”
“??? You barely sat down! Let’s wait a little longer. Try to relax. Why don’t you sing along with me?”
“No, I all done. Can I have a cookie??”
“…”
4 minutes later, same child sneaks into the bathroom, drops trou, and goes in the potty completely unannounced, only alerting me to the fact after he’d finished.
“Mommy! I go pee-pee in the potty! Now can I have a cookie?!”
This exercise has also shown me the crazy will power my kids have, when they want something bad enough. Who knew that cookies would be such a huge motivator?? Jack has tried to will himself to go potty on several occasions, purely because he wanted a cookie at that exact moment in time.
Jack takes off his undies and sits on the potty, all by himself, then starts wiggling his bum.
“Come on, pee-pee, come out! I want a cookie!!”
Let’s also not forget the layer of crazy that is potty training twins. There are shenanigans that occur while you’re hostage to helping one child on the toilet, and the other is roaming free, elsewhere. For example: Jack went into the pantry while I was with Hudson in the bathroom, and helped himself to the (almost empty) bottle of peppermint extract I had on the baking shelf, which is eye level for him. I found him under the dining room table a few minutes later, bottle in hand and cap removed, with a pained look on his face.
“Jack… what did you do?? Did you drink that??!”
Shakes head yes
“It’s too spicy!!!”
Upside: he’ll never do that again!
The craziest part, though? Potty training hasn’t been nearly as bad as I’d hyped myself up for, going in. It’s made me glad that we waited until they showed interest, rather than trying to push them earlier, simply because they were ‘old enough’. Sure, we’ve had a few accidents, mostly at the very beginning, but the boys are doing SO great overall.
Except for pooping. What is it about pooping in a potty that gets toddlers all twisted?? The boys were going on a four day dry streak - which, for their first week in underwear is pretty amazing, I thought - when they suddenly had to poop while awake (it had always happened in a diaper while they were asleep, until that point,) and then, chaos. Poop on the floor, tears, Clorox wipes, the whole nine. I know that they’ll get there eventually, it’s just amazing that it seems to be a universal ‘thing’ during this toddlerhood transition.
We haven’t been brave enough to venture out of the house, beyond taking the boys to school, since starting all of this. I’d like to think that we could handle that this weekend, being a long weekend and all, but that will also depend on how the next few days go. That, and with how often the boys like to rush to the bathroom, only to squeeze a few drops out, declare victory, and demand a cookie, I’m not in any hurry to pay for a meal at a restaurant that will no doubt be cold before I’m able to sit for any period of time to enjoy it.
Speaking of getting away: Potty training vacations for parents - once the kids are successfully potty trained, and can be parked with the grandparents for a few days - could totally be a thing, and the travel industry should definitely do some marketing in that arena.
The thought of a vacation makes me want to cry, I could use a getaway so bad! But, this too shall pass. And I will, eventually, no longer be a prisoner in my own home (haha!).
To be continued…